The Hidden Rules That Keep Women in Pain

Why Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Aren’t Just Biology—They’re Cultural Conditioning Colliding With Your Body

The Invisible Rulebook

Here’s the thing no one says out loud:

Chronic pain doesn’t just wear down your body—it punishes you for being the strong one.

From the time we’re young, women are trained to:

👩 Put everyone else first

👩 Absorb more than we express

👩 Keep going, no matter the cost

This isn’t just cultural. It’s coded.

So when fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, or long-term pain shows up, we don’t stop giving.

👉 We just learn to do it while suffering silently.

Because our worth has been tied to usefulness.

Because we don’t want to be a burden.

Because rest feels indulgent—even when our bodies are begging for it.

💡 Truth check: You can’t heal from a place of depletion. You can’t rebuild your life if you’re always last on your own list.

The Cost: When Culture Meets Biology

If you feel like your body is betraying you, it’s not weakness.It’s what happens when conditioning collides with biology.

🔬 70% of people diagnosed with chronic pain are women (NIH, 2021).

🔬 Women wait longer for pain treatment and are more likely to be dismissed as “emotional” or “exaggerating” (Hoffmann & Tarzian, 2001).

🔬 Fibromyalgia diagnoses are 80–90% women in Canada.

🔬 Suppressing emotions increases pain. Research shows holding distress fuels inflammation and nervous system dysregulation (Ziadni et al., 2018).

So if your pain spikes when you’re:

📌 Emotionally drained

📌 Carrying too much

📌 Saying yes when you had nothing left

…it’s not “in your head.”

👉 It’s in your nervous system.

“Your exhaustion isn’t weakness. It’s your nervous system waving a red flag.”

Why Pushing Through Keeps You Stuck

Most women with chronic pain try to recover while still carrying the weight of everyone else.

We’re told to “stay positive,” “be grateful,” or “push through.”

So we try to heal while over-giving, over-explaining, and over-performing.

That’s not healing.

👉 That’s martyrdom with better branding.

Here’s the radical truth:

💡 You don’t need to hit rock bottom to deserve rest.

💡 You don’t have to earn healing by breaking yourself first.

What Healing Actually Looks Like

Healing isn’t about becoming selfish.

It’s about becoming sovereign over your own energy.

Step 1: Identify Your Energy Leaks

Write down:

• 3 things you do for others—even when you’re exhausted

• 1 way you carry emotional weight that isn’t yours

• 1 thing you “never have time for” that would actually help you heal

  
  

This isn’t blame. It’s awareness.

Step 2: Reclaim One Small Thing

Choose ONE this week:

👉 Five minutes of breathwork before you check your phone

👉 Saying “no” without apology

👉 Setting one boundary, even if it feels awkward

👉 Booking the appointment you’ve been avoiding

Every time you choose yourself, you’re not being selfish.

👉 You’re telling your nervous system: I matter. I’m safe. I’m allowed to rest.

That’s where real healing begins.

Closing: Martyrdom Won’t Heal You

If you’ve spent your life being the strong one—the steady one, the fixer, the carrier—it might feel unnatural to slow down, say no, or put yourself first.

But let’s get clear:

💡 Your pain is real.

💡 Your exhaustion is not a failure.

💡 Your healing matters just as much as anyone else’s needs.

You are not here to suffer silently while carrying the world.

👉 You’re here to live.

“You don’t have to prove your strength by suffering. You already are strong. Now it’s time to be well.”

A Note on Inclusion

This piece centers women’s experiences—because most people living with fibromyalgia and chronic pain are women, and our conditioning directly impacts our health.

But anyone taught to measure their worth in endless strength and giving can feel this toll. And healing it helps all of us.

Next Steps: Support for Your Energy + Healing

📩 Get weekly tools and nervous system insights in my [newsletter].

💡 Explore [Your Path, Your Pace]—a self-guided framework to track what helps, release what doesn’t, and move forward on your terms.

📚 Start anywhere. Even five minutes and a deep breath count.

Because you don’t have to keep running on empty.

Your energy is sacred.

Your healing is possible.

And you’re allowed to put yourself first.